An American Theory is 'Speared'

The mastodon rib leaves the once
cherished model with nowhere to go.
(give him here) the lively manican
has been pantsed and now we must
reclothe him. (how shameful)
[yes, do get a handle on your
personables] (to wear undies or
not to wear undies that is our
question) applauded the curator
*shakespeare would be proud*  
(now let us begin) one holds his
appendages and scuttles him
heavenly while the other grabs
for his brand new trousers.
(how shiek) [how debonair]
interrupting the undulous affair
the arbitrator procures - what in the
name of samuel clemens are you
doing here? - reluctant, but inevitable
they retort([who in the hell is samuel clemens?)]